dealing with guilt during down time

[argh]

I am currently a tenure track faculty member at a 4-4 university. I have had a summer that is, for all intents and purposes, fairly productive: despite the large teaching load, I have submitted 3 papers for review, one at a fairly highly regarded publication. I had set aside these last few days to enjoy the rest of my summer. And yet I feel incredibly guilty. I see the production of my former PhD colleagues who have gone on to publish a lot more than I given their r1 affiliations and feel inadequate. A 4th paper I was about to submit got a fairly harsh review from a friend I trusted. I am on track to publish more than the rest of my entire department combined, but still feel like a loser.  I always felt like once I had a job I could settle down, enjoy my research, and live my life, but I can't help it. This is probably more of a vent than anything, but I wonder if the feeling ever goes away.

[anon prof]

I started having an easier time taking time off once I got enough articles to get tenure. But actually, I am on track to finish my last summer project sometime next week and am planning to go away on vacation the first week of August, but still feel like I should try to make some progress on my first Fall project that last week of July to take advantage of all the teaching-free writing time and the extra week I have from finishing my summer project a bit early. There is a certain type of personality type that does well at academia, and being a workaholic is one of them...never feeling like you are good enough and having an inferiority complex/imposter syndrome is another (when it drives you to be a workaholic).

I compare myself to friends at R1s a lot too and even though I waaay outpublish everyone else in my department, I'm definitely not publishing as much as the people I still want to think of as my peers who are at those R1s. And I also still harbor secret dreams of one day moving to one (currently at an R2/3-3). Even though I already have tenure and that's a ridiculously small possibility.

[Therapy? Meditation?]

Yikes. I think you need to work on some of this stuff. I share some of these same issues. But I keep trying to remind myself that life is short and that, as much as we get our identities wrapped up in our scholarship, it's only a job.

[Time away]

I taught a 4-4 load for almost twenty years. Have over 40 pubs and took at least one month of the summer off. People need time to relax, we are not robots. As long as one stays somewhat on track during writing periods the time of traveling and goofing off can increase productivity.