hiding pregnant belly

[ThisIsPitiful]

Can I just say that this thread makes me incredibly depressed? It's 2014, and this is where we are. Afraid of getting pregnant, and if we do, afraid to talk about it or take leave. I am sad and pissed off at the same time.

[childlessness]

Having children isn't a problem at some schools. I'm at a small liberal arts college, and they go out of their way to be supportive. In fact, the problem is more for those of us who don't have children because we are expected to be at every meeting and event, while those with kids aren't really expected to be on campus past 5pm. To give a concrete example of what I'm talking about...a senior faculty noted during my tenure/promotion review that I did not give a faculty club talk...yet I heard this same person tell another colleague that she wasn't even expected to attend faculty club (which meetings Friday evenings) since she has small children.

[MomofToddler]

The advice I got was to have a kid in grad school. So I did. Little stinker derailed my dissertation due to hyperemesis gravidum (I like to think of it now as the princess pregnancy syndrome, but back then I was too busy trying not to puke for six months) and colic, but it is far more understandable to search committees when someone takes an extra semester to finish up the dis than it does for a junior faculty person to skip out on their duties or take early maternity leave. Plus, statistically speaking, women with PhDs have, on average, less than one kid, so the calculus is that if you already have your kid, you're less likely to go on maternity leave before sabbatical time.
Kid is now two. I'm finally defended and graduating. And I have a TT job lined up for the fall. That being said, I also was keen on taking this job if offered when I discovered the commitment to family-friendly policies in the department and the generous maternity/parental leave policy in the contract. So it can be found. But my regional comprehensive is far from an R1, and I'm consciously taking a hit in prestige and research support for an environment that is family-friendly. Which is fine by me. I am happy building a less prestigious career for one that is all around more fulfilling.
So strategies for hiding a preggo belly or dealing with the consequences of sexism around reproduction? Uhh, avoiding it to begin with. Not helpful to the OP but potentially helpful to those reading the thread who are scared. Family-friendly departments can be found, just usually with some trade-offs.

[My strategy]

My response wasn’t meant to depress, but was intended as a reality check.

I won’t respond to the overall issue of managing motherhood and tenure-track, because I think the original poster was asking a very specific question, which is a great question few would be courageous enough to ask. The pregnant body is the object of wonder and puzzlement, whether it’s on public transportation or in a faculty meeting. As we know (Susan Bordo, etc.), the female body is already over-saturated with meaning, especially bulges, and to expect that a bulge that grows bigger every day is not an issue at work is to deny the world we live in. It has not been straightforward to manage the constant transformations wrought by pregnancy, neither with colleagues nor students.

Some male (and female) colleagues might talk the feminist talk and walk the gender-equality walk, but at the sight of a pregnant colleague they can utter things you wouldn’t imagine possible anymore. The week I posted my response a male colleague told me after a long and grueling faculty meeting that he was impressed that I could remain so “clear-minded” while pregnant. The meeting was so long that I needed to get up to walk around, and snack a lot throughout, and there’s no way around it, I attracted attention.

I’m at a neutral place in terms of its family-friendliness, neither hostile, nor immensely supportive. But my chair was supportive of my tenure promotion, and little considerations have been given like the scheduling of my classes. And there can be perks, like a sense of solidarity with other parents with young kids, one that unfortunately can make childless faculty members feel left out.

I’m not standing up and declaring that I’m a mentor to the female students. But the fact is, they see me pregnant with a second child, and remaining relatively sane and productive. When I was a grad student, the female faculty were either childless or at most had one child, and they fought hard in their own individual ways to get there and pave the road for us. So now we can have two (three maybe?), and I call that progress.

[Somewhat related issue]

First of all thank you to all the women who contributed to this thread. The overall message seems incredibly grim for both the time in history and the discipline, but it is comforting to read that there are others struggling with the same issues.

I am not sure how much traffic this board gets, but by the same token, I am kind of glad to be able to ask my question a bit away from the crowds on the main board(s). So, as a woman in the job market with a young breastfeeding baby (and an older sibling but that one does not pose any dilemmas during the first phases of the job search) how do I go about the need to pump during job interviews? The baby is not a newborn but is under 1 and I want to continue breastfeeding. But how do you go about this during an out-of-town job interview? Anybody here had to navigate this? Any thoughts on how to handle this?

[Been there]

I was in the same situation when I was first on the market. I just told departments flat out that I needed time and a place to pump during my visit. No one had any issues with it. Some departments even offered to get child care for me if I wanted to bring the baby along. And it was kind of nice to have my family situation out in the open. Faculty with kids were more willing to talk with me about family life in the area, for example. So in short, it feels weird to ask for pumping time but I found everyone really accommodating.

[Been there]

Another thing, I found the hardest part of pumping during job visits to be surviving long flights. If you end up needing to take long trips, try to arrange layovers long enough to let you pump in airport bathrooms. Otherwise, ouch.

[Related again]

Thank you, Been There, that's very encouraging. So who did you make the request to in that case? I am guessing the SC chair? Were any of them men?

[Been There]

The first time the SC chair was a man, and I felt weird asking him so I wrote to the person who had interviewed me at ASA (a woman). She arranged everything for me. After that first visit went so well I was more confident asking men and women for time. I asked whoever was scheduling my visits. Sometimes that was a department chair, sometimes the search chair, and sometimes an administrative assistant. Good luck!

[runner]

Same good experiences for me - just tell whomever's organizing your schedule that you need a half hour break every 3-4 hours (or whatever), in a private place with a plug. I've found people universally very accommodating. Remember you'll need a fridge too - if not in your room, hotels have one behind the desk you can use. I agree that the traveling is the hardest part; some airports have places to pump but not most. I just this weekend (on a personal trip) pumped in the playground area at O'Hare, and a public bathroom and a family (single-seat) bathroom at Newark. Minneapolis has a nice pumping room, and all airports in Cali are now getting them, not sure on what timeline. I have also pumped with a manual in my seat (night flight, seatmate sleeping) and know of many people who say their electrics can't be heard at all over the engines. But with an older infant, pumping doesn't have to be on quite such a rigid schedule. I personally would not pump in an airplane bathroom except in dire straits.

By the way, when I've asked for accommodations from an admin, the faculty don't even always know about it. I found it really nice to have (mental) breaks built in to my long days, and it does give you a good sense of how family-friendly the job is.

[adminassist]

Agree that you should talk to whoever is arranging your schedule. Oftentimes, they will work to make sure the faculty doesn't even know about it. This is a fairly common situation, departments are used to it, and all the stories I've heard involve departments being very professional and understanding.

[Thank you!]

A big thank you to all who have chimed in on this topic, this is very helpful.

[Anony]

Another option is to just have a cover for yourself it you need to pump on the flight, and do one breast at a time. I brought a newborn to ASA and had to feed her on the flight. The person sitting next to me was a woman and understanding (though men were across the aisle). We have a right to breast feed in public, so things like at an airport, I would just sit somewhere, face the wall and feed her. (a little more advice if you bring the baby with you). As for pumping, everyone has already had great advice, so nothing to add! I will say, I interviewed somewhere at 5 or 6 months, and I didn't realize how cloudy my head was until after I had her (she was my first). I didn't get an offer, but I wonder if I would have answered a question at my talk better if I hadn't been pregnant...

[yeah]

For whatever reason, I feel much more comfortable breastfeeding, even in public, or sharing with people that I am breastfeeding, than pumping . Not sure why exactly. Maybe because I am thinking that anyone, even people who are not parents, are pretty familiar with women breastfeeding, but pumping is something you really only know about if you go through it yourself? Not sure. In any case, I don't think I'll be bringing the baby along on the interview trips -- I think it might cause more logistical problems that it would solve..

[unbelievable]

Returning to the first question: no pregnant woman should have to hide her belly. It is extremely depressing that this conversation is even taking place. By trying to do the best for our careers, we are basically feeding into and strengthening a screwed up system. Please do note that the typical male colleague probably has a wife, stay-at-home, churning out babies for him and devoting herself to his career. He gets the kids without any costs to his career. Why shouldn't women too?